First Blog Post: Where Have I Been?!

Hello everyone. Welcome to my blog! I started this blog because I felt like this would be a great way to write out my thoughts and feelings about things in my life.

This past month has been pretty interesting. It has definitely had its highs and lows but I think I'm accepting the fact that the lows are temporary (something I had a hard time coming to terms with). 

I took a month off from streaming because I needed time to heal myself emotionally. I was not in a great frame of mind back then. I was crying very often and had trouble sleeping. I couldn't focus on school...I actually struggled in one of my classes & ended up dropping it. I also found myself hating the way I looked. I feel like I always had low self-esteem about my body. I never like how it looked whenever I looked in a mirror and I often cried in the shower because I felt like there was nothing I could do to "fix" it. I felt helpless and an emotional wreck.

On top of that, I lost 2 very special VODS of my playthrough of The Last of Us 2. I was sooooooooooo disappointed in myself because I was banking on that content to finally make my Youtube channel. I had tons of ideas of what I wanted to do with my streaming content (react videos, highlights, and a video essay about my thoughts on the game). I felt like I couldn't make a complete video without having the last 6 hours of the game recorded. Another moment of feeling utterly lost in what I could create.

I decided enough was enough and signed up with a personal trainer, hoping this would help me get out of this funk. After signing up, the work grind became very real. At first, I didn't think this was going to help me with my mental health; but boy was I was wrong! Things really started to change once I was placed on a meal plan. After just one week of eating right without any fast food, I found myself getting stronger and stronger. I discovered new things that my body was capable of that I didn't know I had in me! While my body was getting stronger, I noticed I was gaining my confidence back in myself. I think it's because I was starting to learn how to love myself again.

I still struggle with self-care and self-love, but I know that the struggle isn't permanent. It's a process.😁